If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
