Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
