I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
whose parrot is this?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
