But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
