In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
