don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
