thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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