Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
