I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
