He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
