you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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