you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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