we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
