just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
