So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
two words: eviction party
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
