Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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