He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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