He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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