Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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