dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
