got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
