Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
