I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
