Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
