I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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