i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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