You just made me feel so damn special
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
