i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
