I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
