hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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