I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
