Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
