I think I am morally bankrupt
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
