I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
two words: eviction party
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
