He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
