Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
