you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
