Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
