The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
