is your mom at the bar?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
