??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
