Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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