My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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