It's Friday. Sex?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think my moral compass just broke
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
