just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
