Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
