If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
