you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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