its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
