i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Green mimosas i think yes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
