In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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