He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I love having hate sex.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
