i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
