I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
