I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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