I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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